Taking off the Armour
by obsessedatopia
Summary: Callie follows Stef's advice and processes her panic attacks and the fire at GU. Stef uses her plumbing experience to reassure her from her fears about trusting herself. Starts up at the end of the superb Stef/Callie scene in 2x09. Obviously spoilers up to that point. One Shot.


**Hi guys, so I have been back and forth and back and forth about posting this because honestly the scene on Monday was so perfect and it's all I've ever dreamed of which now makes any one-shot pale in comparison, but at the same time I had these themes in my head from the fire episode and was desperate to write something. **

**There were so many wonderful fire one shots though and I decided I couldn't set this after the fire anyway because the timeline didn't work for this episode (as it was the next day) so I just decided to do it as an expansion of the beautiful Stef/Callie scene and add in some of the stuff from that episode. Anyhow, this is obviously nowhere on that level, that scene honestly does not need a second more added to it in my opinion, but hopefully this doesn't do any harm. **

**Thanks for all of your wonderful reviews on the previous stories! This one will be pretty similar as my style hasn't changed, so if you're not a fan of that, this probably isn't for you :) Just as character developmenty and talky as usual.**

**Thanks to _TheTBone_ and thesameguest for their invaluable help and putting up with all of my indecisiveness ****but no thanks to _Shana _because she didn't want me to thank her as she apparently didn't do anything (even though she did).**

******Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Stef's arms were clasped tight around Callie's body, the young girl's head nested securely on her Mom's shoulder. The heat from Stef's body was like a blanket and the smell of her perfume like a tonic that had gradually induced Callie to slowly release her anguish without even realising it. She hadn't properly cried yet and part of her still felt on the cusp of doing so but an unexpected visit from Jesus had also helped relax them. It had worked as a smooth distraction leaving them now simply staring into space in the cradle of each other's support.

Callie chewed on her lip, the thoughts swirling round and round in a dull hum alongside Stef's heartbeat. It hadn't just been the events of the day that had been wearing on her. She couldn't help but see the contrast from the day before in Girls United. There she had felt empowered, helping everyone else. Even in the fire, as much as Rita had rightly been angry at her, the easiest decision she had faced was the one to go back into that building. How did that even work? How was it easier for her to run into a burning building than it was for her to trust her own judgment? Maybe that was her own bad judgment. Where did it even end and begin? She huffed in frustration, moving her hand to her forehead as Stef noticed the shift.

"What's on your mind, honey?" She broke the silence, looking down, as Callie closed her eyes and shook her head gently. She hadn't even told Stef and Lena about the panic attacks yet. She wasn't sure what would come out and she wasn't sure if she wanted to open those floodgates yet, even though Stef's advice was making it easier. Dr. Kodema was kind but professional, she wouldn't have the same waterfall effect that Stef or Lena could and this was all such familiar territory. She had been steady with Stef and Lena and faced so much with them, but this was an issue she hadn't even know she was having. It had hidden behind all of the other stress in her life and although she had grown to be wary of surprises, surprises from her own reflexes were always the hardest to anticipate. She opened her mouth and let some air escape as the she brewed some words up inside her. It wasn't clear what they were going to be, but she closed her eyes and just said the first thing that she could bear to divulge.

"It was really weird...going back to GU." She spoke. _That_ she hadn't expected, but apparently the details of her sex-induced panic attacks didn't roll off the tongue.

"Good weird, or bad weird?" Stef replied, holding her a little tighter as Callie shrugged, her eyes fixed swirling around a point on Mariana's bed.

"It felt like much had changed but then in a way it just..._hadn't,_ and that just felt kind of sad. It made me wonder how much _I_ have really changed? It felt easy to try and help everyone there but then that made it feel like I had somehow figured it all out when I know I haven't. I mean, I think I've got closer to it but how much of that is just superficial?"

Stef squinted, getting the feeling there was more to it than Callie was vocalising but she didn't want to rush her.

"Trust me honey, there is nothing about you that is superficial." She asserted with a gentle laugh. "There may have been bits of you that you have tucked away, some so deep even you may not have found yet but that's not the same thing as pretending to be something you're not."

"Rita says I'm a success story." She added through a nervous laugh before immediately looking up to gauge Stef's reaction. She hammed up her creased forehead.

"And are you expecting me to indulge your modesty?" She asked her as Callie smirked a little but still looked up with a hint of doubt. They locked eyes for a moment before Stef hooked her neck with her arm and sprinkled three kissed on her temple.

"Honey, I think you are beyond a success story. I just told you you are amazing and I mean it. I'll tell you that every day if you want..."

Callie nodded, her gaze fixing back down as she returned her head to a comfortable position.

"I think I'm good for that..." she scoffed through a wisp, "but seriously though, if I don't even know or trust myself, how can you? Or anyone?"

"Oh honey, that's what your friends and family are _for_. I don't think any of us fully know ourselves, or at least we like to block off things." She responded, once again her mind drifting back to her earlier breakdown. "They're there to help you see the things you don't see. I'm sure you did that for the girls." Callie mulled it over but her face still twitched and creased back to discomfort as she thought back to the night before. Suddenly she could taste the smoke and feel the heat on her face. More prevalent than anything though, she saw her roommate's lifeless body sprawled out across the floor.

"It didn't help them though, did I? Not Becca." Callie replied, almost surprising herself at what was surfacing. "She thought it was all working out, _we_ thought it was all working out, but she just flipped. How can you be confident about recovery when you could just flip at any time?"

"Is that what you're worried about?" Stef asked, looking down. "That somehow you're going to go back on all the progress you made?"

"I feel like I already have." Callie rubbed her head. "I thought I had coped with Liam but then..." She looked up to Stef who was looking down concerned. "Well it all came back."

"Yes, honey, but you saw him. That's quite an obvious trigger - and you handled yourself perfectly." She replied as Callie shook her head, the lump growing in her throat.

"It didn't begin today." She whispered as Stef's eyes closed, suddenly feeling a pang of sorrow. "I've been having panic attacks."

"For how long?" Stef asked, pulling back gently as she ran her hand up across Callie's forehead.

"A few weeks." She shrugged. "Wyatt and I we..." She looked up to check Stef's look, unsure of how she would take the full details but she knew in general they were open to discussions about sex without being dismissive.

"Well we tried to have sex and just before we did I had the first one. I spoke about it with Dr. Kodema today. Kiara made me realise I couldn't really run from it any more." She tested Stef's reaction but it was still just patiently waiting, giving her the confidence to continue. "Then my session helped me see that it was maybe more about me than it was about Wyatt or Liam and then today it just...I don't know. I think she's right." Her voice ramped up a little as the doubt set back in. "If I can't trust Wyatt and Brandon when I thought I could then how can I trust myself to judge anyone's character?" As her exasperation grew, Stef lulled her with a soft shush and a tighter squeeze.

"Sweetheart you can't expect these things to happen instantly." She assured her. "You have suffered many difficult traumas at a very young age. That doesn't just go away."

"But what if it never does?" She looked up to her desperately. "I saw Becca lying there in that basement, unconscious and lifeless in that fire and just hours before she was so happy. What if it happens the same? I make all this progress trusting people, trusting myself and then it just all goes to hell?" Callie's lip curled into a frown as it became clear she was fighting off the prickles of tears as her voice croaked. "Sometimes I just feel so helpless ."

Stef sighed, wishing there was more she could do to stop the avalanche but at the same knew it was necessary.

"Oh, love." she patted her arm, quickly catching an escaping tear from Callie's cheek faster than her daughter could grab it herself.

"I don't have the answers, sweets." she whispered thinking back over all of the times in the last few weeks she had felt helpless herself. "But I do know all of the things you've overcome, even if there may be setbacks that come with them. You know that more than anyone and-."

"I know, and I know I have to just stay strong and face -."

"Love." Stef cut her off as she felt Callie's chest and body tensing. "No. That's exactly my point. Right now, you _don't."_ She reminded her, met once again with Callie's growing eyes.

"When these setbacks happen you will get through them, yes, but it's also OK to remember that you can be sad that they happened too. It's OK to just let yourself be a little lost and a little helpless, sometimes it's easier to just fall into that. Trust me." Stef felt Callie nod, first slowly but then it picked up more rapidly along with the screwing up of her face as finally Callie succumbed to the tears that were now happy to flow.

She thought through it all, through the stress of the day before. The fight with Kiara and the sympathy for Cole. Through rescuing Becca. Through seeing Liam and being angry at Wyatt and Brandon. It all came flooding out and she felt Stef's gently brushing of her arm the whole way through along with her soothing breath.

"I couldn't even be alone for five minutes." She sobbed even as she tried to sniff back the tears. "I can do alone, I've never felt like I needed protection before." She squeaked out as Stef reached across and handed her a Kleenex.

"You're having a bad day, sweets. Hell, we all have bad or emotional days. I spent most of today collapsed in a puddle of water - and only half of it was from the pipe I busted in the wall!" She informed her as Callie looked up confused.

"I decided to try and distract myself from recent events by channeling my energy into plumbing." Stef clarified, downhearted as Callie sniffed again picking up on the tone.

"The baby?" She asked tentatively as Stef gave her a gently nod.

"You're not the only one who tries to suppress their own difficulties by fixing things around her, love." Stef nuzzled her daughter's head as they sat for another moment in silence, Callie trying to think of an appropriate response.

"Are you doing OK now?" She asked, feeling slightly guilty.

"I'm certainly doing better." Stef replied, gulping down. Just like she had advised Callie, this would not be an instantaneous fix but at least she had come to terms with the fact she would need to give it the time it deserved.

They sat for a few more moments in silence as Callie's tears dried into marks down her cheeks. Stef leaned her head back, staring to the opposite wall. In some ways she was grateful she had managed to schedule in her grief as one thing that was clear from what had unfolded this evening was life showed no signs of slowing down for her family. Ana was clearly back in their lives and she dreaded the talk they were going to have to have with the twins now Mariana was aware of it. It was clear that Brandon was still dealing with the repercussions of the situation with Dani, though she hoped that the session going on downstairs would maybe give her some relief. Nothing would make her happier right now than for some good news from one of the situations.

Then there was Callie.

This talk had been good for both of them but she knew it would not be the last. There was still so much to sort out and so much for her to face, she just wished for a moment that she could pretend that holding her right now was going to scare that anxiety away for good. She had faith in Callie's strength however, even if the girl couldn't see it herself. This girl had literally seen her friend almost die in a fire and was up the next morning ready to take on the world.

Wait.

"Hold on a second..." Stef asked, suddenly confused as Callie's head propped up. "When did you see Becca in the basement?" Callie paused for a moment, suddenly feeling a smack of regret for her sloppy admission.

"I helped Rita pull her out." She mumbled as Stef sucked back her tongue, her heart suddenly wrenching. She swallowed hard, trying not to show it but in some ways the gentle frustration was calming for Callie.

"You don't have to say it, Rita already read me the riot act." She offered up, indulging the possibility of a gentle reprimand to distract her from her darker, more confusing thoughts.

"You played hero in a burning building?" Was all she could think to say, an scolding edge to her words but too tired to sound angry.

"You ran into a crackhouse, guns blazing without your vest once." Callie immediately responded, deciding to turn Stef's observation from the beginning of this talk against her. Stef scoffed, shaking her head.

"Touché, but that doesn't make it alright." She nipped her arm as Callie smiled back sheepishly. "Do you know how dangerous that was?"

"I got that impression when I got down there..." She shrugged as Stef's eyebrows edged up and Callie readjusted her shoulders, immediately losing her gaze in her hands and trying to hide her bashful guilt. She edged a look back to a still shocked looking Stef who's mouth was still held open, her eyes firmly fixed on her daughter.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. The adrenaline took over...Rita had gone down and...it's what you were saying, it's easier to solve other people's problems." Callie whispered, trying to hide her smile, the shift in tone a welcome relief as Stef pinched her and shook her head.

"Unbelievable." Stef whispered to herself, casting her head back almost feeling the pride but quickly reminding herself of the potential consequences. "Don't you _ever_ do something that reckless again or you'll be running back _in _to get away from me!" She scolded gently poking her daughter in the side.

"I won't, I won't." Callie squirmed as Stef ceased in order to hold her even tighter, a wash of horrible images of what could have been flashing through he head. She planted another tight kiss on Callie's forehead, one that they both enjoyed for a moment until the sincere retrospective fear had passed. A silence descended, encapsulating them both in a cocoon of tranquility - something neither of them had felt for a while.

Somehow, Stef had been right and the crying had certainly helped Callie, each one carrying a small weight of the anxiety away. The problem wasn't gone, and she knew that, but it still gave her a feeling of relief that she hadn't realised how much she needed. As the peace continued she felt something else she hadn't felt in a while - her eyelids dropping down, chasing the burdens she had offloaded. Stef felt her go as she loosened and she twitched a small smile. It reminded her of all the times her other babies had fallen asleep in her arms, most recently Lena the first time she had been able to sleep at home since losing Frankie. She pulled back Callie's hair from her face and gently slipped her head from her chest onto her pillow, only with a mild stirring. She carefully eased herself off the bed giving her one more kiss and pulled away. She knew that Callie's longest and hardest battles would always be the ones within herself, but she was relieved that for today at least she seemed to have helped her carry her armour. Now she just had to remember to once in a while make sure she took her own off as well.

**Hope you enjoyed it even if it wasn't one that was needed! If you want to leave a comment then I'd love to hear them (even if you just want to talk about how amazing the actual scene was - just as happy to talk about that!)**


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